The Value of Support


As I struggle to get ahead and climb my way up to normalcy in the adult world (home, car, some money in the bank) it is becoming more and more evident how important family truly is.

I had family, my grandparents took care of me and gave me all I needed and even things I wanted. Loosing my grandmother a year after high school continues to keep popping up in my thoughts as I back track to see what could have made a difference and what I could have done to fix myself back then to be stable now. A 19 year old that has been sheltered and coddled for a lot of their life is ill equipped to face the adult world without a lot of bumps and bruises. My grandfather was there, and he was all I had, and unfortunately I was oblivious to the fact that was the time to save, get my mind right and start my life. Instead at first I lived it up. Hanging with friends, travelling, and just having fun not preparing for the future. I can recall my father telling me to do just that, prepare. I also recall understanding and wanting to do what he said but then I would get sidetracked and it would never happen.
I thought moving to Florida would help that. I figured, I am in another state, I will begin maturing and taking care of myself. I did, it was great. I felt good, I was slowly becoming independent, and I felt confident for the first time. Summer of ’03 I wound up driving up to GR with no money but a promise of payment for gas… me and my impulsive nature just couldn’t sit still. (will go deeper into that story in another blog). So I wound up stuck back home with no money and no way to get back to Orlando.
Spring of 2004 I lost my grandfather and the ground beneath me crumbled. I had no support, no comfort, no one to turn to anymore. I was completely and utterly on my own for the first time. I had friends and family that were there for me, but not in the way my grandparents were. I am sure if my parents could they would, but there was no way for them to step up. I hold no grudges, I understand and know their heart, and that is what matters.
So here I sit, ten years later, after a botched try at a serious relationship, losing everything after that relationship, again, and picking up the pieces, again. It is difficult to start from nothing, with no help, and get to the something that you know you can have, and should have.
As I watch people get married, get houses, cars and all of that I often wonder, how in the world do they do it. And then I realize, ah, yes, family. They have a support system, and that makes all the difference.
That is one of my biggest regrets, not recognizing the value of what I had at the time, and not listening to my father and he emphatically told me just that.

One comment

  1. I’m sorry you had such great loss in your life. You are a survivor, way stronger than you may realize. My family was poor and very small. I have probably given more cash to my mom than she has ever given to me. People like us don’t have the luxury of borrowing money or asking for loans/co signers, yet we still keep moving. Set your own parameters and constructs of success. While the “American Dream” might be the standard of success in this country, it is not for everyone. Actually, it makes my skin crawl. You are artistic and free spirited, not made for the doldrums of the status quo.


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