Okay okay okay… yes, we have all heard the same things over and over.
Smoking is bad for your health. It kills you, ruins your teeth, your skin, your hair. It stinks and is dirty.
It is poisonous, carcinogenic, and nicotine is highly addictive. It is more addictive than heroine.
A very hard substance to stop using.
These are all FACTS that we know, yet smokers continually ignore, and argue like they don’t care.
I understand to an extent their rationality. They have an addiction, a habit, and they can’t see past that.
To them it is not as bad as it seems to those who do not smoke. They ignore the harmful facts and just continue on with their routine without regard to themselves, to be honest.
As a non smoker dating a smoker it is a challenge. I knew he was a smoker, and was fine with it. He is an extremely logical, rational, intelligent man. So my assumption was that his logic, reasoning and rational would kick in and he would stop smoking. I admit, at first I was okay, I was quiet, understanding and patient.
I didn’t have an urge to bring it up, to push the issue, due to my aforementioned assumption.
We also were not living together so I was not constantly around it, constantly aware of it. There were times previous to us cohabitating that I felt a bit put off by it. The occasional brush off, the extended absences sometimes bothered me. I did learn how to manage that though, thankfully.
What I still cannot get over is the health aspect of it all. Why subject yourself to such harshness to your body? Why knowingly and willingly damage yourself and those around you? We all know the statistics on second hand smoke and how it is just as bad if not worse than smoking a cigarette.
Me personally I want to be fit and active my whole life. I want to look and feel great as long as possible. Getting old scares me to no end!! It is my biggest fear!! I expect my life mate to share that sentiment. (except my fear of getting old… lol) I know he does, but he still continues to smoke. I get sad, scared and angry thinking about it. It effects our relationship, we argue, disagree, and that hurts. Especially when deep down he agrees with me.
I could leave, but why? He is a good man, I am very happy and I cannot in good faith leave him because of his smoking. I love him too much, and I know that we are good together. I cannot imagine my life without him in it.
I don’t like nagging, I don’t like feeling like a debbie downer or nelly negative (did I just make that up?).
It took a lot for me to write this, knowing the sensitivity of this issue. I just hope that this is viewed the way I want it to be viewed. Through love, compassion, and understanding.
This was not written with the intent to bash, call out or be negative. It helped me breathe, cope and get out some of what I felt.
I would love feed back, advise, and opinions on this. I am extremely curious. I would love to hear from smokers as well as non smokers, maybe even more so, just so I have some more insight.
originally written 5.6.12