Tick… Tick… Tick… BOOOOOM!!!!!


I have been in a relationship for three nearly four years.

I wanted to marry him the moment we became serious.

Maybe it was because I was engaged before and just wanted that again, or maybe I just knew he was/is the one.

So for a while there it was a bit frustrating that we were moving at a slow pace, in my opinion that is.

We argued for a bit actually about that because it began to fester. That is when I learned that passive aggressive is not the way to be, it just causes a lot of unnecessary drama.

So I have relaxed and learned to enjoy my relationship and know that when the time is right I will have the ring, and the husband.

Lately though babies have been on my mind a lot more than normal. Which for those of you who know me is a lot on a normal day. I have always dreamed of becoming a mother and raising a child. The moment I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Chris it just became that more of a want, a desire, a craving, a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. He would be such a wonderful father, and together I think we would raise an amazing child.  That is why the fact that I cannot bear a child eats away at me more and more and is becoming more and more difficult for me to ignore. I am so thankful that he seems to be okay with the fact I cannot conceive, but I know deep down it hurts him, since he wants to be a father just as much as I want to be a mother.

I really have been weighing out my options, and I want to adopt, but I also want to get an egg donor and do the invetro fertilization with the donors egg and his sperm so that way the child is biologically linked to him. For a while it was just a thought but now I want to move forward and start planning this so that way when the time arises we are prepared and it doesn’t take so long. I am thirty-three and time does not stop just because I want a baby. Time to get in gear and start planning. The only thing, money and whether or not to talk to a family member about an egg or to find an anonymous donor. I have thought about it, and really would love to ask a family member but not sure how that would go over with them.

A lot to think about and a lot of maturing and preparing to do before the time arrives for us to take that step.

I just know I want it to be soon.

My heart breaks every time I see a newborn, or see a pregnant woman. I even catch myself looking in the mirror and sticking out my stomach just to pretend….

So with lots of prayers and blessings maybe soon the process can begin.



One comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s