So lately I have been thinking about relationships, and friendships.
Being single for most of my dating life I got to see the other side a lot and know how it feels to see your friends go from being single, free, and independent to seemingly tied down and non-existent the moment they find a guy. It can be a bit annoying and can feel a bit like you’ve been shunned and kicked to the curb. It is hard to understand the concept of all of a sudden your friend has someone else to occupy their time and someone more important. That is all high school stuff but there are times when as an adult you find yourself backtracking and there you are face to face with that same situation.
It becomes a bit of a balancing act and that can be a bit stressful. How can you have a man and also keep your single friends part of your life without making them feel left out or without somehow shutting out your man?
How is it that we try so hard to find a man and complain about being alone and then the moment we find what we are looking for we still try so hard to cling to our single life? It’s like we want the best of both worlds. Is that possible though? Inevitably if we try to have both the single life and have a deep meaningful relationship it becomes self sabotage and someone ends up getting hurt.
I have been in a relationship for a long time but am just now learning that there is a big part of me that is holding on to the single life. I am crazy mad in love and know that, but I think there is part of me that does not want to let go of some part of that single life. Fear of being hurt is one of the reasons but also I think another is there is part of me that has that single girl thought running through her head. I don’t want the snide remarks and resentment from my friends when I decide to spend time with my man. I want them to feel part of my life as much as they were before. It is becoming more evident that it is not always possible.
I think it all comes down to planning. Making sure you set time aside for your friends and never forget about them and keep them informed and filled in as much as possible. Putting your man first is the most important and that is the biggest lesson I had to learn. It feels like you are abandoning your friends and that they are going to resent you at first but in the end that is so not the case. They will always be there and be in your corner as long as they know you are there for them. Having a man does not mean losing your friends and hurting them. It is adding another dynamic to who you are and that is a wonderful feeling. Falling in love and all that it entails is wonderful and something to embrace.
It is hard to let go of that single girl mentality and the complete freedom that the single life entails but I wouldn’t trade my relationship for anything in the world.