I Must Persevere

My chest gets tight. My heart races. I feel flushed, light-headed, I try to shake it but to no avail. The pain is palpable. It seeps through my pores and makes it hard to function. When I am around people I feel like it is visible, like a cloak of shame. I feel like people...

I am

I am an anxiety riddled, borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder having woman. I freak out. I get manic. I get depressed. I am all over the place with my thoughts and emotions. I can go from laughing to crying in a matter of seconds. I have abandonment issues. Those abandonment issues show up as...

Worthy?

Worthy? Unworthy? Thoughts invade my mind. Am I not worthy of happiness? Am I not worthy of love?My whole life I have been searching for my value, my worth. I have been seeking it through others often times placing my value on whether or not someone likes me, or how people perceive me. I have...

Astounding Wit

I hear people speak. I pay attention to their mannerisms, their cadence, the way they use words.I love wit and intelligence. I am impressed by it, intrigued by it. My favorite people all have this undeniable wit and confidence that just draws you in. My favorite movies and TV shows also have that witty banter...

Haunting dreams

I cannot remember the last time I had a dream that I could recall once I woke up. It has been years perhaps. Well last night as I was drifting off to sleep I had a very unpleasant dream about my ex. It is all a bit of a blur now. Apparently he had found...

A Voice

You're uglyYou're too shortYou're too weirdYou're a burdenYou're worthlessNo one really cares about you, they are all pretendingIf you disappeared no one would even noticeGo ahead and end it allDO IT You won't feel pain anymore and you won't be around to ruin people's livesGo aheadDO ITNO! NO! NO! I won't! Shut up!! Just SHUT...

A Quick What If…

What if social media had been around when I was younger and craving to be in the spotlight? I was the kid who always wanted to be famous. I wanted to do it all... sing, dance, act. I would put on shows for my grandparents all the time. They never took it seriously enough to...

Day by day

There are good days.There are bad days.There are days that are just so-so. Some days I feel positive. I have drive, energy and focus. On these days the fog is lifted and I can think clearly and breeze through the work day with ease. I can make decisions and come up with ideas to help...

New Kids on the Block

Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about New Kids on the Block. They have been a big influence in my life and surprisingly I have yet to tell my story. Well... with a milestone anniversary I find it time that the story gets told.I remember the first time I saw them.  My grandmother...

Stuck in a Loop

I just went back and read some of my old blog entries. I have been wanting to write but I was stuck and figured I could draw inspiration from my old writings somehow. I realized something. First of all some of my entries are actually pretty good (go read them). Secondly, I have been stuck...